Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Tuesday Musings #3

Idea: It has been said by many that there are specific and profound moments/decisions in your life that change you. They leave deep and indelible impressions and you are never the same again, whether for better or worse. Write about one of these moments in your life, how it changed you, and whether you consider yourself a better or worse person for it.
I am having real trouble with this one. I have made a lot of choices in my life just like everyone does, but I don't think there has been any one thing that really stands out. I have been thinking since Sunday night when I saw the advanced email for the topic. I even went to read Rebecca's and Emily's and see who else wrote but it didn't spark any lightning bolts here.
I thought about early morning seminary; I thought about elementary & high school & I continued to think about my family life growing up -brothers and sisters and sports and dating and being baptized and getting sealed to my husband for all eternity and my children being born, all 3 of their baptisms, jobs I have had like being a nanny, and even my appendicts operation(twice). I cannot find one distinct thing.
If there is anything specific I can't see it. I am happy with my life and maybe, just maybe, its just knowing that I am a Child of God AND letting that be my deciding weight in everything I do.
I would have to say that knowing that I am a Child of God has helped me throughout my life even if I wasn't making the right choices sometimes. It continually helps me to be a better person.

2 comments:

Rebecca said...

I understand your struggle with the topic. In fact, I didn't know what I was going to write when I chose it but I have always wanted to explore who I am in more depth after reading some sound advice on how it can be very important to pinpoint these exact moments. Sounds like in all your thinking, you found quite a few:)

Silly Monkeys said...

Kristen, found your blog on my brothers blog. I enjoyed this topic.
I wouldn't say there was one profound moments or decisions in my life that change me. Well, maybe it would have been different if I wasn't raised with five brothers. No, I think I would have still been a brat growing up with or without brothers. I really think being raised in the LDS religion set a path for me. I didn't really start to appreciate my family and what we had; even though growing up I thought I had a disfunctional family...but it worked. We got along 35% of the time growing up, but we were there for each other and to see we are not that disfunctional.

What kind of person have I become? I am happy with who I have become, until lately. I never thought I could loose my cool with two children.

Did wanting a child for so long and not being able to have any of my own set me out to find children who needed me? Would who I have become as a Mom been different if I could have had my own children; or adopted one child as a new born; instead of older children (4yr girl and 6 yr boy) that were in foster care.

I was happy and enjoyed my life before kids. It was just this desire to be a MOM.

I hate the ugly side of being a MOM. With the two children we adopted, it is hard when they bring all this mixed up emotion and baggage from their previous family.

I would have to say the last 18 months have been my moment going through some sort of change. I never thought I would be this kind of mom. It has been an emotional roller coaster that I want off. Why is it so hard to love children unconditionally when they are not yours? I want to say right now is that moments or decisions in my life that is starting to change me. It is right now the hardest especially dealing with children with reactive attachment disorder for the last 6 months. I have asked myself several times why did I adopt these two children? But the feeling is there is something I need to learn and teach my children. Our Heavenly Father has a plan for these two children and have placed them in mine and my husband care.

Melissa Lindsay Krause


Here is our family blog.
http://twosillymonkeys.blogspot.com/